He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
