Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
