Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
