You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
