I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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