Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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