I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
