your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
