I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
