You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
