you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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