dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
