You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
