Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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