How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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