So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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