Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
