i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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