Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
