Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
