There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize