remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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