he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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