dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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