and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
