I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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