This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't turn off my feet"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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