i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
