How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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