Don't make out with my wife yet
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
