I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
did i just pee glitter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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