i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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