Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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