I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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