My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
