It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize