wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
