Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
