He is an equal opportunity slut.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
