You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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