I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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