i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
