I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
