Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
