I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
