And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
