Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
