Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
