when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
