I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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