Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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