I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
