I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
