Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
