that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
