I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
