If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
