You were right. It hurts to walk today.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
