nut hugger
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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