I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
