he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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