Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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