Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
