Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
