she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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