the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
