I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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