I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
