i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
