Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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