I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
