How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
