hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
