literally had 100 drinks last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
